31st of March

The Last Day of RADIOTHERAPY 

It has been a very emotional day today, we went to Weston Park for my final radiotherapy 35 blasts Ive had 3 Chemo's one was the trial drug 8 weeks in total of treatment, at times I never thought I would get to today but I have.

Lyn and Rachel came with us I was hoping Wendy and Melissa would be able to be there too but  couldn't, having my family and friends with me made it feel more of a special occasion.

I had a appointment with Dr Foran, Jason came in with me Dr Foran explained what would happen now, I will start to feel ill again in about 10 days due to the treatment still working and it could take a couple of months to turn myself around, this did shock me I was hoping to be back to normal in a couple of weeks, but I will just take my time because I will get better. I have another appointment in a few weeks with Dr Foran just to make sure everything is going ok and we will find out in 3 months if the treatment has been successful.

When I came out of the meeting with Dr Foran I went straight into radiotherapy Ive never been so happy to jump on the table and have my mask on for the last time EVER. When I came out Wendy and Melissa were here they had come to surprise me I was so shocked it meant the world to me to have all these special people with me seeing them made me cry, I am so lucky to have wonderful family and friends.

Then this happened, I rang the BELL  ( this video doesnt work on mobiles) 

Then we drove home when we got home Wendy and Melissa had been round and put banners up and balloons up, again I was so shocked and started to cry again.

Ive even brought home my mask need ideas on what to do with it though so any help is greatly appreciated, thought about growing strawberries out of it hehe.

So this part of my journey is over, the next steps will follow and I will keep everyone up to date, I want to organised a fund raising event for Weston Park over the next few months I need to make something good come out of this, a ball and family picnic sounds fun. 

So all thats left to say is ONE BIG THANK YOU TO YOU ALL, with out your support I dont know where I would have been. 

My Mum, Dad, Pete, Lyn, Rachel, Wendy and Melissa for all your support with the kids and driving me Weston Park I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

My husband has put up with so much so I need to THANK him too he has supported me more than I really knew he could, he has been my rock to lean on my blanket to wrap me up in and my shoulder Ive cried on so many times, and of course my 3 beautiful children what a roller coaster of a journey they have had but not once did they forget to tell me they love me, so THANK you for being the beautiful children you are Im so proud of all 3 of you. 

Love to you 

Amanda xxxxxx

29th of March

Hi

Had a really good day today, Lyn took me for my radiotherapy this morning but before we went I had toast for my breakfast, this is massive hehe me eating toast I was so pleased. I also did a crazy thing and bought a spa jacuzzi for the garden lol, god knows what came over me but at least the kids will have fun this summer. 

My neck is really getting sore now but to be honest I think I've done really well to stop the burning happening until the last week of treatment. 

 

 Had a lovely call from my wonderful friend Rachel who found it so funny about my new purchase for the garden, just need Jason now to wave his magic in the garden. 

On the way home I asked Lyn if we could stop at Home Bargins for some bits and bobs, how exciting to be out shopping just wish my hair didn't have 3 inch roots that need dying hehe xxxx

When we got home Melissa came round and mum and dad came it was great all laughing and chatting and me eating chicken soup and egg custard,  get in I will get stronger.

To end the evening me, lyn and Holly walked Rosie I couldn't get right to school but wasn't far off before we turned round but I certainly got a lot out of it. I even managed to chat to Bev and Dave which was really nice. 

So over all 2 treatments left still dribbling like a teething baby and a burnt neck don't think I'm doing bad. 

Night night 

Love 

Amanda xxxxxxxx

28th of March

Hi everyone, 

Yesterday was a good day had an old friend visit me at the hospital which cheered me up no end. 

 I was told all my blood levels had returned to normal and was doing great, but I still wasn't allowed to go home boo boo. 

Me and Vanda laughed so much last night it was great medicine just what I needed, but once Vanda left it feels quite lonely. 

My legs have been hurting for a couple of weeks and I put it down to not walking about as much, last night they kept waking me up. 

This morning I was offered a massage, I straight away said could you do anything about my legs, and the lovely lady explained it's possible it's the Chemo that's causing it but not to worry it will go away. She made my legs feel so much better. 

Then the doctor came and said Amanda I happy for you to go home you are doing great your bloods are back to normal, you are eating and pump feeding so let's get you home. 

So there we are 3 treatments left to go and I'm home YIPPEEE xxxxx

Lots of love 

Amanda xxxxxx

26th of March

Hope everyone has had a wonderful weekend, I have been lovely being at home with the family, I'm still exhausted but I think that's normal. 

Been spoilt today by beautiful family here's the pictures.

 

 I am very lucky xxx

Back to hospital tomorrow to start the final journey 5 more blasts then that's it, let's get this over cause I'm gonna SMASH IT xxxx

Love to you 

Amanda xxxxx

24th of March

Whoop whoop I'm home, only for the weekend but it's nice to be home, yes I'm exhausted, yes I'm ready to say that's it now I've had enough but I'm not, I'm going to fight this to the end. 

So things have been tough I've now got a nebulizer at home, which makes it easier on the mucus yuk stuff. 

 It was great when Lyn arrived at the hospital to pick me up today I thought yes FREEDOM, anyway the doctors wanted to take my bloods one more time just in case anything was wrong. We were packed off with 2 big bags of medication I went to radiotherapy and we were off. 

The journey felt like it was taking forever but it was a really smooth run no traffic jams just a straight run home. When we got home Jason was here waiting for us which made it more perfect. Jason had his lunch and off to work, then the phone rang it was the hospital my bloods were low, my heart sank, Katie the doctor said it's ok but is there any chance someone could come through and pick some tablets up for you, Lyn kindly offered to go all the way back. It took her nearly 2 hours and all for 4 magic tablets bless her cotton socks. 

I've even managed to drink half a latte this afternoon which is massive cause I've not eaten or drunk for nearly 2 weeks. 

So that's it I'm home for a few days and then the finally 5 days are to begin shame I've to spend them in hospital but not to worry, I've friends and family going to visit me. 

Love 

Amanda xxxxxx

22nd of March

So I had to come back in hospital on Monday evening I wasn't eating or drinking, it's been really hard not being at home with kids and Jason I miss them all so much, but I know I need to be here. 

Dr Foran came to see me today and told me I've done so well but it's now time for the hospital to look after me, this made me upset but she said I can go home on Friday but must come back Monday and stay all week on the ward. 

Today we've started the feeding through the pump again very slow 25mls a hour so it will take 20hours but it doesn't matter because it's what I need. 

I've started using a nebulizer to help with the mucus, which does help for a few hours, it's such a relief to get a rest from the mucus. 

I've been given lots of different tablets and injections including one to thin my blood. 

I've also got to have a blood transfusion. 

I need to go to radiotherapy again today this was hard today but I did it, 7 left to go I will get to the end of this I promise. 

Jason made me so happy tonight he brought all 3 kids to visit me it was just perfect, Franchesca is struggling she cried when she came and cried when she had to go but I really need to get strong to carry this fight to the end. 

So I say night night 

Lots of love 

Amanda xxxxxxxxxxx

20th of March

So I was allowed home on Friday, which felt great been able to see my babies I missed them so much, I miss everything about home but in a strange way felt safe in hospital. 

I can't believe the change again in me my mouth is so sore now, my lips are swollen and I can't stop coughing yuk up again, I don't know where it keeps coming from. My mouth has the most awful taste in it all the time I can't seem to get rid of it, but this is all part of the treatment, I just wish it would all go away now. 

I can't eat or keep my pump feed down due to coughing but I will keep trying got to stay strong. 

I received a beautiful gift of a dear friend and some bra cards from family with such inspirational words in, I thank you form the bottom of my heart xxx

Lyn took the kids for us to the wildlife park yesterday, I'm so worried they aren't have fun on weekends and Kristian and Holly had a sleepover, Franchesca came home but that's ok bless her. 

I don't know what else to say today this is one hell of a journey but I'm getting there, it's certainly tough and a lot tougher than I can describe but we will get to the end and hopefully we can start to be normal again, well Amanda's normal hehe xxx

Love to you all

Amanda xxxxxxx

16th of March

Sorry I've not been on here for a few days but it's been a bit of a rough time and still is, I'm still in Weston Park and don't know when I will be home, after having my Chemo on Tuesday I started to be sick and we can't seem to control it, every time I have anything to eat, I vomit, the worst thing is, it burns my whole throat and mouth. 

I've been sharing a ward with 3 other lovely ladies who I really think we will stay friends for ever, Sally, Carol and Annie xxxx

Jason been to see me today which was really nice even though I didn't make much conversation with sorry xxx

On a plus I've managed to keep going and having my radiotherapy and I can honestly say I'm so pleased I have, I hope I can continue to attend.

I know it's short but I'm sorry I can't write no more.

Love to you all

Amanda xxxxx

14th of March

Doctors came round about 10ish and were really worried about me having this next lot of Chemo, I asked them to find out what are the pros and cons before I make the decision to not have it, so off they went to speak to the head and neck cancer doctors. 

Around 2 ish I was informed a new injection of anti sickness drug had been prescribed for me, the nurses hadn't even heard of it how lucky am I.

All systems are go I'm now being pumped with lots of fluid ready for the Chemo to go in. 

Will keep trying to update as much as I can xx

Lots of love 

Amanda xxxx

13th of March

Hi everyone, 

So yesterday was a beautiful family day, playing football with kids in garden, we had a tennis tournament and just lots of playing. I even cut the grass and loved every minute. 

Kristian fed his bearded dragon all on his own, he even managed to take each locust out and cover them in calcium, bear in mind these are alive insects bless him he is really looking after Jeffery (bearded dragon) really really well. 

So today it was Lyn's turn for a road trip with me hehe

 

We had to go for my blast of radiotherapy then had to wait for 2 and a half hours, before I could go to the ward for my Chemo, so the most exciting thing was we went to Starbucks and I drunk a full Latte yippee, and then we went for a walk around the museum gardens the sun was shining and it was just perfect chatting to my number 2 mum.

When it was time for me to go to the ward for my next lot of Chemo Lyn stayed with me we laughed a lot talked to the 2 other ladies that are on the ward with me, then it was time to start the treatment. The consultant came asked me lots of questions to make sure I was ready to go, she was quite shocked that I had cut the grass yesterday and thought I was doing really well, I'm trying so hard to keep going as long as I can, I hate feeling poo, well we all do if we are honest, but I'm sure the fresh air, the pump feeding is all helping and I even managed to eat a cheese sandwich, I never eat cheese sandwiches but because it's soft it's a easy food to get down. 

Here we go the Sister on the ward said first bag of fluid plus anti sickness, within a few minutes I started to feel funny, heat was raising up through my neck to my face, my ears were on fire and itching, the roof of my mouth began to itch, the air felt thick. I told Lyn I felt odd and a nurse walked past so I shouted her over and explained what was happening, she stopped the fluids and then the next thing 1 consultant came then another and another until there was 6 consultants and a couple of sisters and a couple of nurses all around me  and me and Lyn thinking what the heck is happening. I was going in to anaphylactic shock, I had, had a reaction to the anti sickness drug ......... trust me ....... anyway I was given some drugs and I felt drunk hehe, cheap night that was haha.  

Within the hour I was coming round but there was no way Chemo was happening today so I have to stay in hospital tomorrow night too but I'm ok about that it's for my own good. I have been looked after so well by everyone here amazing humans. 

Lyn has stayed with me until 9.30pm and we've had a lovely day bless her, she is even coming back tomorrow to be with me how lovely is that. I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful family, and all you around me supporting me. Everyone is so wonderful to me and I can't thank you all enough, no words can ever be enough for everything xxxxxx

So I say Night Night to you all

Lots of love 

Amanda xxxxxxxx

11th of March

Had a really fantastic day yesterday, we took the kids to the park even though I sat on a bench most of the time the fresh air was amazing, the kids were running around laughing and playing together Jason was on the zip wire, which was apparently not for any benefit to him hehe. Just Perfect.

Holly came home from school on Friday, Star of Week she was so proud because she gets to bring Patch home this is a toy hamster but we have to take it everywhere and take photos and we write it all up in a book. 

 

On Thursday's our kids go to a child minders, because normally I'm at work till late and Jason doesn't get home till after 6 anyway Shelly took pictures of Holly's drawings because she did it on wipe board and couldn't bring it home, it's Me and I'm sad because I can't go and play she even put the PEG tube in my tummy bless her. Xxxxxx

 
  

The food pump is really helping, I've now got the intake of food from 10hours down to 3 and half hours which again makes life a lot nicer, and I feel so much better now I've got the vitamins etc I need. 

On Friday when I went to Weston Park I asked what was happening about the Chemo I didn't have last Monday, I was given the option not to have it, I asked what are the benefits to the Chemo so it was explained, due to me being fit and young (I liked that fit and YOUNG hehe) they like to give us the best chance of cure so even though Chemo isn't the primary treatment it's radiotherapy, the doctors feel it has a advantage. So there was no thinking needing I need the Chemo, I've got to beat this so I'm booked in for it Monday through to Tuesday so I know it's gonna make me really ill again but I've got to try everything possible. I've now got blisters appearing in my mouth and my skin is going red these are the side affects of the radiotherapy it will get worse but it's not for ever. 

So today is Sunday and it's family time wether it's just sat cuddling my beautiful, amazing strong babies or we go somewhere I don't know yet I take ever hour as it's comes now, don't expect anything and the little things are perfect. 

Lots of Love 

Amanda xxxxxxxx

9th of March

Hi to everyone, wow it's been a rough few days if I'm honest. Makes you question if you can get through this treatment, all the nurses keep telling me this is one of toughest treatments but you will get through it, it's hard though. 

So was put on the antibiotics on Monday but found myself not been able to keep the fortisip down I was just getting weaker and weaker. When we went to the hospital on the 7th Jason came with me, I asked to see the dietitian again, together me and Jason explained what had been happening and that I felt so weak, it's common sense if you don't eat you get weak but under treatment you really can't afford to get weak. Anyway she recommended me using an electric pump feeder, but on a really slow pace it would pump only 50ml of feed directly into my tummy over 1 hour this meant I needed to be on it for 10hours. We told her that was a great idea I didn't care if I was hooked on to the machine for 10 hours I just wanted to feel better or at least stronger. 

So off we went home with the pump, I felt so much happier knowing that I could pump food into my tummy.

When we got home Jason said let's get you hooked up then it can start to pump food in, I was still coughing yuck up but that's due to the treatment plus the infection. Everything was going ok until around 7 and half hours in I suddenly felt sick we needed to stop the pump, I was so upset I felt like I was just failing, Jason said I hadn't to worry the dietitian said this might happen and we will try again tomorrow. 

So the next day (which was yesterday) I woke feeling so weak, I needed to get ready for Weston Park, Pete was coming to take me everything I tried to do seemed to take long, in between coughing yuck up. Pete came and off we went I got through another blast of radiotherapy to be honest I don't know how. 

When I got home i hooked myself back on to pump, new day new bag hehe, set it to run through over 10hours, it would end at around 12.30am but I didn't care I needed to get this food in my body. 

Lucy rang me from Doncaster Hospital to just see how I was getting on, we had a long chat, I cried a lot, she told me everything I'm going through is normal lots of people get infection and Chemo dates changed but it's ok cause we will get to the end of this. I can't thank her enough for her support not just with me but with my family. 

Anyway kids came home from school and was all full of laughter and joy and we all had lots of cuddles cause their cuddles are magical. The pump was still running, then it was swimming time and cubs for Kristian, Wendy came for Kristian off they went the girls went to swimming they all came home the pump was still going. 

Bedtime came they all went to bed, I was so sleepy and fell asleep the pump was still going, the next thing I knew.........beep beep the pump had finished I done it 500ml of food in my tummy yippee. Jason helped me unhook it we flushed the tube and back to sleep it was. 

No appointment today till later so I've got up and hooked myself back on the pump, but we've gone up now to 75mls per hour and this will keep going up and up so the feeds get quicker and I can have more bags of food through the day, so here is my new friend. 

 I'm going to say bye for today. 

Lots of love Amanda xxxxx

6th of March

Over the weekend I was sent a beautiful bracelet from Whitby xxxxx   

And I do believe I can xxxx

My hair is starting to come away at the bottom but I knew it would. It's ok cause Debbie will fix it, no pressure Debbie lol xxxxx

 

Then I seemed to get weaker, all night I was coughing then this morning I woke to a high temperature, blooming eck the day Chemo was suppose to happen why ??? So I phoned Weston Park and they asked me to go straight in. 

Bloods and a chest X-ray was done I've got a infection so put on antibiotics but no Chemo, still had my radiotherapy, which was tough because the mucus in the back of my throat makes it hard to lay flat but I did it. I was told I could go home but I need to start using the peg feed more so I'm strong again and get rid of this infection. 

When I got home my friend Jayne had been and dropped Jason's Birthday card off and this 

 

 I'm so lucky I've had a beautiful gift set this week too from Susan, I'm so lucky xxx

Then Ive had such sad news today that one of friends has lost her husband to Cancer please send her lots of strength xxx

I will get through this and I will get better I promise xxx

Lots of love 

Amanda xxxxxxx

3rd of March

So just got home from my 15th treatment 3rd week finished. 

Yesterday was a road trip to Weston with my friend Rachel, I totally forgot to take a picture, we had a good talk which is nice I cried, again but it's so nice to have different friends to talk to, and after we had finished I told Rachel about Weston Park Cancer Support Centre, so Rachel said let's go in. 

This is another amazing place where I can get treatments to help me through my Cancer journey the ladies where lovely to us, I was offered 4 treatments which will happen through out the rest of my treatment and a pamper day which will happen after my treatment. 

I seem to be feeling more exhausted as we get to the end of the week, but we wanted to take the kids to see their Grandad as they couldn't go on his birthday so off we went. The kids had lots of fun but we didn't leave till a bit later than I really wanted and I when I got home I felt rough, my mouth seems to be creating more salvia now which isn't nice but my throat feels very sore. All of a sudden I felt sick and all this salvia wanted to come out...... yuk. Of course when it stopped my throat now felt roar, feels like one step forward and two back sometimes, I thought come on Amanda you've got to get through this so I took my effervescent paracetamol and put fortisip down my feeding tube and went to bed. 

Today was a road trip with two off my other friends Wendy and Melissa, it was great fun and yes I cried never cried like this before in my life. 

 

I had my treatment and I told the radiotherapy staff what happened last night and they said they thought it best I see the dietitian, so I know how much fortisip to use, I was also seeing Dr Foran today. After the treatment I went to see Dr Foran for my review she said all my bloods were fine and everything that's happening is normal she also gave me stronger pain killers with my throat being so roar.

Wendy and Melissa went off to get my tablets because I needed to see the research nurse. I explained all what's been happening to me, it's all documented for the trial drug, then I was asked if I would have some more bloods taken, but before I did the bloods I went to see the dietitian. I was told to put 2 fortisip for each meal down my tube if I can't eat. 

On the way home I was feeling a little hungry so I thought as soon as I'm home I will get the fortisip down me. 

 Got home Mum and Dad came to pick the kids up from school for me, I went upstairs and started putting the food down my tube, all was good flushed the tube fantastic two bottles in me, I will be strong, then all of a sudden I was sick so I think I should spread the bottles out, I know I'm ok with one but don't think my tummy likes 2 at once so I will just spread them out. 

So I wish you all well hope you all have a lovely weekend. 

Lots of love 

Amanda xxxxx

1st of March

Well what a start to March and the end of the treatment the last day is the 31st of March it seems more real now we've turned the calendar over the end that is hehe. 

The last couple of days have been really good went to see a friend of mine yesterday for a hour or two, I managed to eat 3 meals and even walked the dog all in all really good days. 

Pete came to pick me up this morning and it was his 70th Birthday but he still came, he was so happy with his present, which made my day. We had a really good time, he was telling loads of things that I didn't know about some of his Adventures and do you know when I'm done with this treatment that's what's happening, we are going to book some family adventures. 

Today traffic was clear and we got to Weston Park in no time but the que to get in the car park was huge, so I jumped out of the car and walked up to Weston the hill up to the hospital seems to harder each week but I got there, booked in and sat and waited for my turn, this is when I think about things and how lucky I feel to be able to have treatment, and such a caring family and friends all around me. 

When it was my turn to go in I got on the table as normal,  but today the mask felt really tight it looks like I'm swelling now hopefully it won't get too bad. 

Once I was back home again, I was greeted with a surprise box and card when I opened the card and the box it was the most beautiful candle I've ever seen and it smells devine, a old friend who I've not seen for many years had sent them to me, I am so lucky xxx

 

All of a sudden I felt exhausted so I decided to have a lay down, I don't know what came over me but my body was saying rest. It's funny because today little things have changed they seem to be more intense, the burning feeling, the exhausted feeling, the painful mouth seems worse today and I think I'm getting worried about the Chemo on Monday through to Tuesday, to the point when Jason came home I had a cry, I'm sorry to say but I cried. It makes me feel selfish crying because I'm been looked after so well, but to be honest it made me feel better, the kids weren't around and perhaps it's what I needed. So it's onwards and upwards again. 

See you all very soon 

Lots of love 

Amanda xxxxxx