9th of March

Hi to everyone, wow it's been a rough few days if I'm honest. Makes you question if you can get through this treatment, all the nurses keep telling me this is one of toughest treatments but you will get through it, it's hard though. 

So was put on the antibiotics on Monday but found myself not been able to keep the fortisip down I was just getting weaker and weaker. When we went to the hospital on the 7th Jason came with me, I asked to see the dietitian again, together me and Jason explained what had been happening and that I felt so weak, it's common sense if you don't eat you get weak but under treatment you really can't afford to get weak. Anyway she recommended me using an electric pump feeder, but on a really slow pace it would pump only 50ml of feed directly into my tummy over 1 hour this meant I needed to be on it for 10hours. We told her that was a great idea I didn't care if I was hooked on to the machine for 10 hours I just wanted to feel better or at least stronger. 

So off we went home with the pump, I felt so much happier knowing that I could pump food into my tummy.

When we got home Jason said let's get you hooked up then it can start to pump food in, I was still coughing yuck up but that's due to the treatment plus the infection. Everything was going ok until around 7 and half hours in I suddenly felt sick we needed to stop the pump, I was so upset I felt like I was just failing, Jason said I hadn't to worry the dietitian said this might happen and we will try again tomorrow. 

So the next day (which was yesterday) I woke feeling so weak, I needed to get ready for Weston Park, Pete was coming to take me everything I tried to do seemed to take long, in between coughing yuck up. Pete came and off we went I got through another blast of radiotherapy to be honest I don't know how. 

When I got home i hooked myself back on to pump, new day new bag hehe, set it to run through over 10hours, it would end at around 12.30am but I didn't care I needed to get this food in my body. 

Lucy rang me from Doncaster Hospital to just see how I was getting on, we had a long chat, I cried a lot, she told me everything I'm going through is normal lots of people get infection and Chemo dates changed but it's ok cause we will get to the end of this. I can't thank her enough for her support not just with me but with my family. 

Anyway kids came home from school and was all full of laughter and joy and we all had lots of cuddles cause their cuddles are magical. The pump was still running, then it was swimming time and cubs for Kristian, Wendy came for Kristian off they went the girls went to swimming they all came home the pump was still going. 

Bedtime came they all went to bed, I was so sleepy and fell asleep the pump was still going, the next thing I knew.........beep beep the pump had finished I done it 500ml of food in my tummy yippee. Jason helped me unhook it we flushed the tube and back to sleep it was. 

No appointment today till later so I've got up and hooked myself back on the pump, but we've gone up now to 75mls per hour and this will keep going up and up so the feeds get quicker and I can have more bags of food through the day, so here is my new friend. 

 I'm going to say bye for today. 

Lots of love Amanda xxxxx